It started when I was 4. I was tricked into tasting a « lolipop ». That’s all, except for the date rape. I’ve never told anyone until now. But it still doesn’t take away the pain or guilt.
I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the appeal of communities like the Beguines (and, to a lesser extent, the Shakers) where it was possible for women to come together in mutual support in comfortable celibacy. I would totally join a secular community of women who shared resources and worked together for mutual support and benefit. It's 6.30 am and I've been awake for hours with my mind spinning, thinking about how unsafe the world is for women and girls and how few options/alternatives there really are.
I can't stop thinking about the women who've come forward to say that they woke in a hotel room with Swalwell, or the countless women who've had similar experiences with men who aren't in the public eye... Knowing that there isn't likely to be anything done to serve justice (just look at all of the unprocessed rape kits that already exist) makes it feel like the best option for women is to withdraw from a society that benefits from our victimization and organize into self-supporting collectives. Like Umoja in Kenya, or Jinwar in Syria.
The Beguines have been living rent-free in my head for years. There's something so radical and so old about the idea that the answer might just be... each other. Thank you for naming Umoja and Jinwar. Women have been building this way forever. We just don't get taught about it.
When I swallowed my righteous anger over SA I gave myself daily migraines going on ten years now. I’m finding it hard to undo my silence but this article helps me feel so seen and far less alone. Thank you.
Ten years. God. Swallowed anger has a way of finding somewhere else to live in the body, doesn't it. I know that particular geography. So glad this found you.
Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with us. I so often feel like I'm not allowed to be angry about what men have done to me and so many women and it means a lot to hear someone acknowledge all of it like you have here.
You are absolutely allowed to be angry. All of it. The anger makes complete sense and I think one of the most insidious parts of all of this is how quickly we're told to put it somewhere quieter. Thank you for reading.
What an incredible read. You describe this feeling so well. I feel like when I get angry, and the rage starts to come out, I'm told I overreact or exaggerate. Or "generalizing is never okay" when I say I don't trust any man or I hate men. I'm thinking about writing a Substack about this as well! Thank you.
"Generalizing is never okay" ... except when the pattern is everywhere you look. Yes, please write about it. The more of us saying it out loud, the harder it gets to dismiss. Thank you for reading, and I'd love to read yours when you do.
It started when I was 4. I was tricked into tasting a « lolipop ». That’s all, except for the date rape. I’ve never told anyone until now. But it still doesn’t take away the pain or guilt.
Thank you for trusting me with this. The guilt was never yours to carry. I hope you know that.
I came here from reddit and I am glad I did.
Powerful article and every bit of it speaks to me.
Thank you 💙
I'm glad you're here :)
I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the appeal of communities like the Beguines (and, to a lesser extent, the Shakers) where it was possible for women to come together in mutual support in comfortable celibacy. I would totally join a secular community of women who shared resources and worked together for mutual support and benefit. It's 6.30 am and I've been awake for hours with my mind spinning, thinking about how unsafe the world is for women and girls and how few options/alternatives there really are.
I can't stop thinking about the women who've come forward to say that they woke in a hotel room with Swalwell, or the countless women who've had similar experiences with men who aren't in the public eye... Knowing that there isn't likely to be anything done to serve justice (just look at all of the unprocessed rape kits that already exist) makes it feel like the best option for women is to withdraw from a society that benefits from our victimization and organize into self-supporting collectives. Like Umoja in Kenya, or Jinwar in Syria.
The Beguines have been living rent-free in my head for years. There's something so radical and so old about the idea that the answer might just be... each other. Thank you for naming Umoja and Jinwar. Women have been building this way forever. We just don't get taught about it.
When I swallowed my righteous anger over SA I gave myself daily migraines going on ten years now. I’m finding it hard to undo my silence but this article helps me feel so seen and far less alone. Thank you.
Ten years. God. Swallowed anger has a way of finding somewhere else to live in the body, doesn't it. I know that particular geography. So glad this found you.
Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with us. I so often feel like I'm not allowed to be angry about what men have done to me and so many women and it means a lot to hear someone acknowledge all of it like you have here.
You are absolutely allowed to be angry. All of it. The anger makes complete sense and I think one of the most insidious parts of all of this is how quickly we're told to put it somewhere quieter. Thank you for reading.
What an incredible read. You describe this feeling so well. I feel like when I get angry, and the rage starts to come out, I'm told I overreact or exaggerate. Or "generalizing is never okay" when I say I don't trust any man or I hate men. I'm thinking about writing a Substack about this as well! Thank you.
"Generalizing is never okay" ... except when the pattern is everywhere you look. Yes, please write about it. The more of us saying it out loud, the harder it gets to dismiss. Thank you for reading, and I'd love to read yours when you do.
exactly!! loved it. https://theprincesscolumn.substack.com/p/digital-assault-and-a-rational-reaction?r=1rkkp0&utm_medium=ios here it is!
I almost joined a convent in order to live like that. Found out, thats not safe either. Priests. Breaks my heart.